Ever surprised to find out someone else has the same struggle you do? I am still finding my footing on this whole “parenting older/adult children” thing. The other day I discovered I’m not alone. While talking with a friend who is in the same season, I realized there are more of “us” out there than I’d known. My friend gave great words of advice. For any of you who are venturing into this season of life: 10 tips for parenting adult children (from far away).
1. Pray
I pray a lot for them, especially when I feel incredibly far away and helpless to help them. I pray specific things that I write down in an app on my phone. It is really good for me to look back at those and see how God has provided along the way. I find comfort in knowing that the Father wants me to continually come to him with these things. Sometimes I feel like a broken record with others, but I don’t feel that way when I come to God with the same concerns over and over.
2. Pray Scripture for them
I find specific Scriptures to pray over my children that pertain to their specific situations.
3. Don’t project your grief
I try not to project my own grief and sadness onto them too much. I am trying to let them grow up and be on their own and not have to worry about how Mom is doing way over here.
4. Let them be unique
I try to let them be individuals and not expect the same thing from all of them.
5. Communicate (with wisdom)
My tendency is to think that something is wrong if I don’t hear from them. One of my kids told me to assume that everything is fine unless I hear differently. Much easier said than done, but I am trying.
I text them every few days just to let them know I am thinking about them and praying for them.
6. Find out about their world
I try and keep up with their college class schedule and ask them about specific classes or people (their friends by name that I know or have met) so that I can stay connected to their life in that way.
7. Let them struggle
I used to have the mentality that as long as they were doing good, then I was okay being far way…but then that left me with nothing to stand on when they were struggling. I have had to learn how to be okay with living (far away) even in the harder times for them. (But my husband and I also have agreed that if one of them needs us, we are going to buy a ticket and get there as fast as we can.)
8. Let them share good & bad stuff
I encourage my kids to tell me the good and the bad. I think sometimes they are hesitant to talk about the hard stuff because they don’t want us to worry.
9. Trust God
We live in a time zone more than 12 hours ahead of my children. Almost every night before I go to sleep, I ask God to carry my children through and take care of them while I sleep.
10. Claim Scripture for YOU!
In the end, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you,” (1 Peter 5:7) are definite words to live by.
A shout out to my friend for her words of wisdom! And a prayer for all you parents out there who are learning to parent older children, adult children, and far away children!
If you are, or have been, in this season, what tips do YOU have?