The Short Answer: A TCK Perspective

“Where are you from?”

My answer depends on how awkward you want this to be.

Not for me.

For you.

The Dreaded Question

This has often been known as “the dreaded question” for Third Culture Kids. I suppose it’s true. I didn’t have to go to therapy because of it or anything. But I would concede that there is not a straight-forward response.

I have a pocket-full of answers to this question, and the one I choose to use depends fully on what I read on your face when you ask me the question.

If I surmise that you are passing by—that you don’t actually want to know ME and you just need a category to put me in—then I will reply with a handy few words that I know you probably already have a category for. 

My Answer

I’ll say, “Texas” if you are a US citizen. I’ll say “USA” if you are from somewhere else. And if you are a Texan, I’ll say, “Ennis”. If you seem mildly more interested, I’ll add, “The Dallas area”.

That’s neat and organized and you can stick me in your category and move on happily.

But it’s not the full truth.

I don’t live in Texas, I wasn’t raised in Texas, I wasn’t even born in Texas. My Driver’s License is from there. Does that make me Texan?

If I think you might be a bit more interested, and using the name of a foreign country won’t freak you out completely, I might answer like this,

“I am from Texas, but I live in Malaysia.”

Multi-Culture Kid

And then, if you really want more, I can go into detail that involves more countries and continents. Because I am more than a THIRD Culture Kid. Perhaps I am a Multi-Culture Kid.

I was born in Montana, but I claim Texas as my state.

I was raised in Indonesia, but I graduated high school in the Philippines.

I went to university in the US, but we raised our family in Sudan.

We lived in Sudan, but I had our babies in Jordan.

We worked in North Africa, but we moved to Indonesia, but now we live in Malaysia.

Do you see how no general “get to know you” question has a simple answer? So, I look into your eyes to know what to say.

A Common Struggle

It’s not uncommon for Third Culture Kids to struggle with the simple questions. The most difficult question on any form we fill out is: Home Address.

This difficulty in answering simple questions is not bad. It’s not necessarily good either, not in itself. Let’s just say it has potential: potential to go either way. It’s just a thing that “is”. Nothing to feel bad about for the person asking the question or for the TCK trying to give a response. 

So, What Do We Do With It?

For the person in the “home country” asking the question I would say: be interested in the answer. Some TCKs want to say they are from their home country and be done with it. Others would love to tell you a little bit about where they’ve lived. You can ask them a follow up question like, “What is one of your favorite things to do there?” or “What is one thing you really miss about it?”

For the TCK who is answering the question I would say: be grateful for the varied childhood that God gifted you, even when others don’t understand it. Whatever reply you choose, give it with grace toward the person asking.

What About You?

If you are a TCK, what other questions are difficult to answer?

If you are not a TCK but want to learn some cool things about them, read this article.